Parents Want the Scoop and Teachers Do Too: Strengthening Parent/Teacher Communication

Parents want the scoop on what happens during their child’s day. They want to know whether their child ate, slept, played, participated, struggled, connected with others, or experienced something important. Those seemingly small details help parents understand a large part of their child’s life that they don’t get to see firsthand.

Teachers want information from home for many of the same reasons. A difficult morning, poor night’s sleep, change in routine, exciting event, stressful experience, or even a new skill emerging at home can provide important context for what happens once a child walks into the classroom. In theory, parents and teachers are looking for the same thing: information that helps them better understand and support the child.

Yet communication between home and school can become surprisingly complicated, particularly when a child is struggling.

When Information Starts to Feel Like Blame

However, when conversations between parents and teachers happen primarily around problems, even neutral information can begin to feel like criticism.

A teacher sharing that a child struggled throughout the day may simply be trying to keep the family informed, but a parent may hear that information as an accusation that something happening at home contributed to the problem. Likewise, when a parent shares that they don’t see the same behavior at home, they may simply be providing useful information about how their child functions in another environment. A teacher, however, may interpret the comment as criticism of the classroom or their ability to support the child.

Over time, that dynamic can create a significant communication barrier. Parents may become hesitant to share information from home because they don’t want every small thing connected to their child’s behavior at school, while teachers may become more cautious because they don’t want families to think that the classroom isn’t meeting their child’s needs. The result is unfortunate, because the information everyone becomes hesitant to share may be exactly the information needed to better understand the child’s experience.

Different Behavior in Different Places Is Information

Children don’t behave exactly the same way in every environment, nor should we expect them to. Home and school come with different people, expectations, routines, sensory experiences, relationships, demands, and opportunities for support. A child who transitions easily at home may struggle when transitioning alongside an entire classroom. A child who has difficulty waiting at home may do well at school because the classroom routine provides more predictability. A child who usually manages a particular expectation successfully may have a much harder time after poor sleep, an unexpected change, or an especially demanding morning.

These differences don’t automatically translate to mean that one environment is better or worse than another. Instead, they give us information. Instead of using differences between home and school to determine where a problem is coming from, we can use them to identify what might be helping.

Perhaps transitions at home go more smoothly because the child naturally receives more support. Maybe participation is easier at school because visual supports are already built into the routine. Perhaps a parent has discovered a way of offering choices that reduces frustration, while a teacher has found a way to make waiting more predictable. When those pieces of information are shared, everyone has an opportunity to learn from the other.

For Parents: Share the Context That Helps Teachers Understand the Day

Parents don’t need to provide a detailed account of everything happening at home, but information that may change how a child experiences the school day can be incredibly valuable. This includes:

  • Sleep
  • Changes in routine
  • Difficult mornings
  • Exciting events
  • Changes within the family
  • New fears or interests
  • Skills that are beginning to emerge at home

All of these can all provide context and provide teachers another piece of the puzzle.

The same curiosity can be helpful when learning that something was difficult at school. Rather than focusing only on the behavior itself, parents can ask about the circumstances surrounding it:

  • When it tends to happen
  • What usually happens beforehand
  • Whether there are patterns across the day
  • What has been tried
  • What appears to help

Parents can also share strategies that have been successful at home without expecting them to transfer perfectly into the classroom, because a strategy that works with one adult and one child in a quiet home may need to be adapted considerably in a classroom full of children. The goal isn’t to make home and school identical but to give both environments more information to work with.

For Teachers: Communicate About the Child, Not Just the Behavior

When most communication from school focuses around challenging moments, families can quickly begin to associate communication with bad news. Parents need to know when their child is struggling, but they also deserve to hear about the rest of their child’s day. That includes:

  • The new shill the child demonstrated
  • The activity they couldn’t stop talking about
  • The moment they helped a peer
  • The transition they handled more independently
  • The time they asked for help instead of becoming frustrated
  • The tine piece of progress that may have required tremendous effort

·      

Sharing those moments does more than make parents feel good. It creates a fuller picture of the child and builds a relationship in which communication isn’t reserved for problems.

The language used to describe difficult moments matters, too because labels such as defiant, uncooperative, or difficult tell families how an adult interpreted the behavior but provide very little information about what actually occurred.  Sharing information gives everyone something concrete to work with. This includes:

  • What happened
  • What was occurring beforehand
  • What the child did
  • What happened afterward
  • What appeared to help

Share What Helped, Not Just What Happened

Communication about a difficult moment shouldn’t end with the difficulty because knowing that transitions were challenging is useful, but knowing that additional a reminder, a visual cue, or more time helped the child participate is much more useful. The same is true when something doesn’t work. If several supports were tried and the child continued to struggle, that information can help the adults recognize that they may need to look more closely at the expectation, environment, or skills involved.

This shifts communication away from simply documenting behavior and toward understanding it. This can happen in both directions. Families can share when a strategy being used at school begins appearing at home, when a child talks about something meaningful from the classroom, or when a skill that has been difficult suddenly starts emerging. Those details help connect two environments that can otherwise feel very separate.

From Reporting Problems to Sharing Information

The reality is that parents have information teachers don’t have and teachers have information parents don’t have. Neither sees the child in every environment, with every person, or under every circumstance. That’s precisely why communication between them is so valuable. Strong parent-teacher communication doesn’t require everyone to interpret every situation in exactly the same way. It requires enough trust and curiosity to share information without immediately searching for who or what is responsible.

When a child struggles, the most useful conversation isn’t about determining which environment caused the problem. It’s about identifying what everyone is noticing, what may be different across environments, what appears to be helping, what skills may still be developing, and what support could make participation easier. When parents and teachers can do that consistently, communication becomes more than a daily report. It becomes part of the child’s support system.

Make Home–School Communication Easier

Meaningful communication doesn’t have to require lengthy emails, detailed reports, or ten-minute conversations at drop-off and pickup. The School/Home Communication Log was created to give parents and educators a simple, structured way to share the information that matters, important changes, successes, challenges, patterns, and supports that are helping. Because better home-school communication doesn’t always mean communicating more, sometimes it means making the information we’re already sharing more useful.

Disruptive behavior is one of the greatest challenges teachers face. It interrupts learning, increases teacher stress, contributes to burnout, and affects the academic and social success of every student in the classroom.

While there is no shortage of research on classroom management programs and behavior interventions, much less attention has been given to a simple question:

How do teachers respond when disruptive behavior happens?

A recent qualitative study by Ødegård and Solberg (2025), published in Teaching and Teacher Education, set out to answer exactly that question by interviewing 40 lower and upper secondary teachers in Norway about how they respond after disruptive behavior occurs.

Their findings offer valuable insights into what teachers are doing and what may be missing.

Most Responses Focus on the Individual Student

The strongest finding from the study was that teachers overwhelmingly described strategies aimed at changing the behavior of the individual student. The researchers identified three broad categories of individual responses:

  • Subtle cues, such as making eye contact, moving closer to the student, standing nearby, or quietly placing a hand on a student’s shoulder
  • Reorientation, where teachers redirected students back to the task by offering help, reminding them of the lesson, or exploring whether the work was too difficult or unmotivating
  • Punitive strategies, including written behavior reports and removing students from the classroom

While the strategies varied in intensity, they all focused on changing the behavior of the individual student.

The Quietest Corrections Were Often the Most Effective

One of the most encouraging findings was that many teachers preferred subtle, minimally intrusive corrections over public reprimands. For example, rather than calling students out in front of their peers, teachers described using strategies like:

  • eye contact
  • standing near the student
  • quietly approaching the desk
  • brief verbal reminders

These approaches redirected behavior without disrupting instruction or embarrassing students.

However, it is important to note that teachers emphasized the effectiveness of these strategies was directly correlated to whether they had already established positive relationships with their students. In other words, connection made correction more effective.

Teachers Looked Beyond the Behavior

Some teachers described an approach the researchers referred to as reorientation.

Instead of simply telling students to stop the disruptive behavior, these teachers asked themselves why it might be occurring.

  • Was the work too difficult?
  • Had the student lost motivation?
  • Did they need clarification?

Rather than focusing solely on stopping the behavior, these teachers redirected students back into learning by addressing the root cause of the barrier. This is a pivotal shift in thinking denoting a move away controlling behavior to understanding it.

Teachers Questioned Punitive Approaches

Although written behavior reports and classroom removal were commonly used, many teachers expressed discomfort with these strategies and several reported that students eventually stopped caring about written remarks. After receiving so many, students essentially felt they had nothing left to lose. Teachers expressed worry that punitive responses damaged teacher-student relationships or even increased disruptive behavior over time.

When students were removed from class, many teachers emphasized that the removal itself was not enough. Instead, they followed it with conversations, explanations, opportunities for reflection, and plans for successful re-entry into the classroom. The message was clear:

Consequences alone rarely teach new skills.

One of the Most Important Findings Was What Teachers Didn’t Describe

Perhaps the most surprising finding wasn’t what teachers said but what they rarely mentioned.

Very few teachers described strategies aimed at the classroom as a whole. Instead of involving students in creating shared classroom expectations, encouraging peer support, or fostering collective responsibility, most responses remained focused on individual students.

The researchers argue this is a missed opportunity because disruptive behavior rarely affects only one student. It influences peers, interrupts instruction, shifts classroom attention, and changes the overall learning environment. For that reason, they suggest that classrooms should be viewed as communities, not simply collections of individual students.

Building a Classroom Community

Although collective strategies appeared infrequently in the interviews, the researchers believe they deserve much greater attention.

Examples include:

  • engaging students in discussions about classroom expectations
  • encouraging peers to support positive classroom norms
  • helping students reflect on how behavior affects everyone
  • collaborating with colleagues to analyze challenging situations

Simple questions can shift responsibility from the teacher alone to the entire classroom community. Examples include:

  • What kind of classroom helps you learn?
  • What makes it difficult to concentrate?
  • How can we support each other when someone gets distracted?

The Most Reflective Teachers Were the Most Flexible

The researchers also observed that the teachers who seemed most effective did not rely on one strategy. Instead, they adjusted their response based on the student, the situation, and the context. Sometimes they used subtle cues, redirected the student back to learning, held a conversation, or even occasionally they removed a student, but only with thoughtful follow-up.

Rather than asking, “How do I stop this behavior?” the teachers focused on asking,

“What does this student and this classroom, need right now?” The researchers describe this as a dynamic approach, one that balances individual support with attention to the broader classroom community.

Practical Takeaways

This study reinforces several important ideas for educators:

  • Relationships make subtle corrections more effective
  • Looking for the reason behind a behavior often leads to better support than reacting to the behavior itself
  • Punishment alone rarely creates lasting behavior change
  • Classroom behavior should be viewed through both an individual and a collective lens
  • Flexibility, not rigid adherence to one strategy, appears to be a hallmark of effective classroom management

Final Thoughts

In a world where the rise of neuro-divergence and mental health conditions continues to rise and teacher burn-out is at an all-time high, it is encouraging to hear that many teachers are already thinking about support beyond compliance. They recognize that relationships matter and understand that behavior has context. Child misbehavior is not personal. Children don’t wake up in the morning plotting misery on others. Their struggle to meet the expectations is equally, if not harder on them. Noone wants to feel unsuccessful.

Finally, behavior doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens within relationships, classrooms, and communities. As Ødegård and Solberg conclude, classrooms are inherently collective spaces. While supporting individual students remains essential, we may improve outcomes for everyone when we also teach, strengthen, and protect the classroom community itself.

Reference

Ødegård, M., & Solberg, S. (2025). Teachers’ reactive strategies toward disruptive behavior in classrooms: Individual and collective approaches. Teaching and Teacher Education.

Educators And Clinicians Are Burning Out Left And Right. The “Traditional” Methods Of Reducing Disruptive Behavior To Gain Attention Are All Too Often The Very Thing That Makes It Worse! Teachers Rely On Repeated Correction For Temporary Relief Only To Find Themselves Repeating The Same Corrections Day After Day. 

• Raise Your Hand.
• Stop Calling Out.
• Stay In Your Seat.
• Wait Quietly.

But What If There Is A Better Way, And What If Many Of The Behaviors We Label As “Attention-Seeking” Are Failed Attempts To Access Something Deeply Human: Connection, Feedback, Reassurance, And Acknowledgment?

And What If The Missing Piece Isn’t More Correction, But Explicit Instruction In How To Appropriately Recruit Positive Attention? This Is Exactly What The Research Calls For A Review By Alber And Heward, Teaching Students To Recruit Positive Attention: A Review And Recommendations, Examined Multiple Studies On Teaching Students To Appropriately Seek Teacher Feedback, Praise, And Interaction. What They Found Was Remarkably Consistent: When Students Were Explicitly Taught Recruitment Skills, Positive Teacher Attention Increased, Academic Engagement Improved, And Disruptive Behavior Often Decreased. 

This Matters More Than Many People Realize, Because This Is Not Just A Quick In-The-Moment Fix, It’s A Way To Create Lasting Change!

1. Quiet Students Fade Into The Background.

In Busy Classrooms, Teacher Attention Naturally Gravitates Toward Urgency.

• Students Who Are Disruptive Get Attention.
• Students In Crisis Get Attention.
• Students Who Demand Interaction Often Receive It Quickly.

Furthermore, The Research Highlighted That Students With Disabilities, May Receive Disproportionately Low Levels Of Positive Teacher Interaction During The School Day Unless Explicit Systems Are In Place To Support Engagement And Communication. So, If The Child Has Limited Language And Little “Behavior,” They Are Seldom The Last To Receive Attention, Feedback, And Support. This Often Results In Student Withdrawal.

2. Gaining Attention Appropriately Is A Teachable Skill!

The Good News Is That Recruiting Positive Attention Is Not A Skill You Have To Be Born With, So It Can Be Taught, And Many Students Require Direct Instruction To Learn:

• When To Ask For Help
• How To Ask For Feedback
• How To Gain Teacher Attention Appropriately
• How To Request Acknowledgment Without Disrupting Instruction

The Studies Reviewed By Alber And Heward Found Students Successfully Learned Strategies Such As:

• “Can You Check This?”
• “I Need Help With This Part.”
• “Did I Do This Correctly?”
• Raising A Hand While Continuing To Work
• Using Classroom Help Signals Or Systems

We Often Take Such Skills For Granted So It Can Be Hard To Wrap Our Heads Around The Need To Teach Something So “Simple.” However, The Reality Is, If A Student Doesn’t Have These Skills Yet, The Chances That They Will Acquire Them Without Explicit Instruction Are Slim To None. So That Means More Unsuccessful Corrections In Your Future.

3. “But That Is Not What It Looks Like In Real Life…”

Broken Down Skills Rarely Do, But It Is How We Learn Everything In Life! The Same Could Be Said About Sounding Out Words Letter By Letter While Learning To Read. Complex Skills Require Scaffolding, Modeling, Practice, Feedback, And Repetition.

So Yes, Teaching Recruitment Skills May Initially Involve:

• Prompting
• Scripts
• Visual Supports
• Modeling
• Repeated Practice

That Does Not Mean The End Goal Is Dependence. It’s Muscle Memory. When The Skill Becomes Automatic, The Supports Are Faded And The Student Becomes More Efficient And Independent In Accessing Feedback, Support, And Interaction, Much Like Going From Sounding Out Letters To Reading Chapter Books!

Reference
Alber, S. R., & Heward, W. L. (2000). Teaching Students To Recruit Positive Attention: A Review And Recommendations .Journal Of Behavioral Education, 10(3), 177–204.

Powered by